| Episode # |
Original
Air Date |
Titles |
| |
| Season 1 |
| |
| 1. | 1-1 | 22 Sep 03 | Pilot |
| 2. | 1-2 | 29 Sep 03 | Big Flappy Bastards |
| 3. | 1-3 | 06 Oct 03 | Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell |
| 4. | 1-4 | 13 Oct 03 | If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap |
| 5. | 1-5 | 20 Oct 03 | The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump |
| 6. | 1-6 | 27 Oct 03 | Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? |
| 7. | 1-7 | 03 Nov 03 | If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake |
| 8. | 1-8 | 10 Nov 03 | Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful |
| 9. | 1-9 | 17 Nov 03 | Phase One, Complete |
| 10. | 1-10 | 24 Nov 03 | Merry Thanksgiving |
| 11. | 1-11 | 15 Dec 03 | Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor |
| 12. | 1-12 | 05 Jan 04 | Camel Filters + Pheromones |
| 13. | 1-13 | 12 Jan 04 | Sarah Like Puny Alan |
| 14. | 1-14 | 02 Feb 04 | I Can't Afford Hyenas |
| 15. | 1-15 | 09 Feb 04 | Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1) |
| 16. | 1-16 | 16 Feb 04 | That Was Saliva, Alan (2) |
| 17. | 1-17 | 23 Feb 04 | Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats |
| 18. | 1-18 | 01 Mar 04 | An Old Flame with a New Wick |
| 19. | 1-19 | 22 Mar 04 | I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You |
| 20. | 1-20 | 19 Apr 04 | Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark |
| 21. | 1-21 | 03 May 04 | No Sniffing, No Wowing |
| 22. | 1-22 | 10 May 04 | My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet |
| 23. | 1-23 | 17 May 04 | Just Like Buffalo |
| 24. | 1-24 | 24 May 04 | Can You Feel My Finger? |
| |
| Season 2 |
| |
| 25. | 2-1 | 20 Sep 04 | Back Off, Mary Poppins |
| 26. | 2-2 | 27 Sep 04 | Enjoy Those Garlic Balls |
| 27. | 2-3 | 04 Oct 04 | A Bag Full of Jawea |
| 28. | 2-4 | 11 Oct 04 | Go Get Mommy's Bra |
| 29. | 2-5 | 18 Oct 04 | Bad News from the Clinic? |
| 30. | 2-6 | 25 Oct 04 | The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance |
| 31. | 2-7 | 08 Nov 04 | A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana |
| 32. | 2-8 | 15 Nov 04 | Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers |
| 33. | 2-9 | 22 Nov 04 | Yes, Monsignor |
| 34. | 2-10 | 29 Nov 04 | The Salmon Under My Sweater |
| 35. | 2-11 | 13 Dec 04 | Last Chance to See Those Tattoos |
| 36. | 2-12 | 03 Jan 05 | A Lung Full of Alan |
| 37. | 2-13 | 17 Jan 05 | Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow |
| 38. | 2-14 | 31 Jan 05 | Those Big Pink Things with Coconuts |
| 39. | 2-15 | 07 Feb 05 | Smell the Umbrella Stand |
| 40. | 2-16 | 14 Feb 05 | Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth? |
| 41. | 2-17 | 21 Feb 05 | Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam! |
| 42. | 2-18 | 07 Mar 05 | It was 'Mame,' Mom |
| 43. | 2-19 | 21 Mar 05 | A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise |
| 44. | 2-20 | 18 Apr 05 | I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey |
| 45. | 2-21 | 02 May 05 | A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On |
| 46. | 2-22 | 09 May 05 | That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother |
| 47. | 2-23 | 16 May 05 | Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab |
| 48. | 2-24 | 23 May 05 | Does This Smell Funny to You? |
| |
| Season 3 |
| |
| 49. | 3-1 | 19 Sep 05 | Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts |
| 50. | 3-2 | 26 Sep 05 | Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover |
| 51. | 3-3 | 03 Oct 05 | Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark |
| 52. | 3-4 | 10 Oct 05 | Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs |
| 53. | 3-5 | 17 Oct 05 | We Called It Mr. Pinky |
| 54. | 3-6 | 24 Oct 05 | Hi, Mr. Horned One |
| 55. | 3-7 | 07 Nov 05 | Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop |
| 56. | 3-8 | 14 Nov 05 | That Voodoo That I Do Do |
| 57. | 3-9 | 21 Nov 05 | Madame and Her Special Friend |
| 58. | 3-10 | 28 Nov 05 | Something Salted and Twisted |
| 59. | 3-11 | 19 Dec 05 | Santa's Village of the Damned |
| 60. | 3-12 | 09 Jan 06 | That Special Tug |
| 61. | 3-13 | 23 Jan 06 | Humiliation Is a Visual Medium |
| 62. | 3-14 | 06 Feb 06 | Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded |
| 63. | 3-15 | 27 Feb 06 | My Tongue Is Meat |
| 64. | 3-16 | 06 Mar 06 | Ergo, the Booty Call |
| 65. | 3-17 | 13 Mar 06 | The Unfortunate Little Schnauser |
| 66. | 3-18 | 20 Mar 06 | The Spit-Covered Cobbler |
| 67. | 3-19 | 10 Apr 06 | Golly Moses, She's a Muffin |
| 68. | 3-20 | 24 Apr 06 | Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro |
| 69. | 3-21 | 01 May 06 | And the Plot Moistens |
| 70. | 3-22 | 08 May 06 | Just Once with Aunt Sophie |
| 71. | 3-23 | 15 May 06 | Arguments for the Quickie |
| 72. | 3-24 | 22 May 06 | That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite |
| |
| Season 4 |
| |
| 73. | 4-1 | 18 Sep 06 | Working for Caligula |
| 74. | 4-2 | 25 Sep 06 | Who's Vod Kanockers? |
| 75. | 4-3 | 02 Oct 06 | The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress |
| 76. | 4-4 | 09 Oct 06 | A Pot Smoking Monkey |
| 77. | 4-5 | 16 Oct 06 | A Live Woman of Proven Fertility |
| 78. | 4-6 | 23 Oct 06 | Apologies for the Frivolity |
| 79. | 4-7 | 06 Nov 06 | Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head |
| 80. | 4-8 | 13 Nov 06 | Release the Dogs |
| 81. | 4-9 | 20 Nov 06 | Corey's Been Dead for an Hour |
| 82. | 4-10 | 27 Nov 06 | Kissing Abraham Lincoln |
| 83. | 4-11 | 11 Dec 06 | Walnuts and Demerol |
| 84. | 4-12 | 08 Jan 07 | Castrating Sheep in Montana |
| 85. | 4-13 | 22 Jan 07 | Don't Worry, Speed Racer |
| 86. | 4-14 | 05 Feb 07 | That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami |
| 87. | 4-15 | 12 Feb 07 | My Damn Stalker |
| 88. | 4-16 | 19 Feb 07 | Young People Have Phlegm Too |
| 89. | 4-17 | 26 Feb 07 | I Merely Slept with a Commie |
| 90. | 4-18 | 19 Mar 07 | It Never Rains in Hooterville |
| 91. | 4-19 | 09 Apr 07 | Smooth As a Ken Doll |
| 92. | 4-20 | 16 Apr 07 | Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot |
| 93. | 4-21 | 23 Apr 07 | Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous |
| 94. | 4-22 | 30 Apr 07 | Mr. McGlue's Feedbag |
| 95. | 4-23 | 07 May 07 | Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin |
| 96. | 4-24 | 14 May 07 | Prostitutes and Gelato |
| |
| Season 5 |
| |
| 97. | 5-1 | 24 Sep 07 | Large Birds, Spiders and Mom |
| 98. | 5-2 | 01 Oct 07 | Media Room Slash Dungeon |
| 99. | 5-3 | 08 Oct 07 | Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo |
| 100. | 5-4 | 15 Oct 07 | City of Great Racks |
| 101. | 5-5 | 22 Oct 07 | Putting Swim Fins on a Cat |
| 102. | 5-6 | 29 Oct 07 | Help Daddy Find His Toenail |
| 103. | 5-7 | 05 Nov 07 | Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room |
| 104. | 5-8 | 12 Nov 07 | Is There a Mrs. Waffles? |
| 105. | 5-9 | 19 Nov 07 | Tight's Good |
| 106. | 5-10 | 26 Nov 07 | Kinda Like Necrophilia |
| 107. | 5-11 | 17 Mar 08 | Meander to Your Dander |
| 108. | 5-12 | 24 Mar 08 | A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh |
| 109. | 5-13 | 31 Mar 08 | The Soil Is Moist |
| 110. | 5-14 | 14 Apr 08 | Winky-Dink Time |
| 111. | 5-15 | 21 Apr 08 | Rough Night in Hump Junction |
| 112. | 5-16 | 28 Apr 08 | Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty |
| 113. | 5-17 | 05 May 08 | Fish in a Drawer |
| 114. | 5-18 | 12 May 08 | If My Hole Could Talk |
| 115. | 5-19 | 19 May 08 | Waiting for the Right Snapper |
| |
| Season 6 |
| |
| 116. | 6-1 | 22 Sep 08 | Taterhead Is Our Love Child |
| 117. | 6-2 | 29 Sep 08 | Pie Hole, Herb |
| 118. | 6-3 | 06 Oct 08 | Damn You, Eggs Benedict |
| 119. | 6-4 | 13 Oct 08 | The Flavin' and the Mavin' |
| 120. | 6-5 | 20 Oct 08 | A Jock Strap in Hell |
| 121. | 6-6 | 03 Nov 08 | It's Always Nazi Week |
| 122. | 6-7 | 10 Nov 08 | Best H.O. Money Can Buy |
| 123. | 6-8 | 17 Nov 08 | Pinocchio's Mouth |
| 124. | 6-9 | 24 Nov 08 | The Mooch at the Boo |
| 125. | 6-10 | 08 Dec 08 | He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited |
| 126. | 6-11 | 15 Dec 08 | The Devil's Lube |
| 127. | 6-12 | 12 Jan 09 | Thank God for Scoliosis |
| 128. | 6-13 | 19 Jan 09 | I Think You Offended Don |
| 129. | 6-14 | 02 Feb 09 | David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie |
| 130. | 6-15 | 09 Feb 09 | I'd Like to Start with the Cat |
| 131. | 6-16 | 02 Mar 09 | She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime |
| 132. | 6-17 | 09 Mar 09 | The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? |
| 133. | 6-18 | 16 Mar 09 | My Son's Enormous Head |
| 134. | 6-19 | 30 Mar 09 | The Two Finger Rule |
| 135. | 6-20 | 13 Apr 09 | Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau |
| 136. | 6-21 | 27 Apr 09 | Above Exalted Cyclops |
| 137. | 6-22 | 04 May 09 | Sir Lancelot's Litter Box |
| 138. | 6-23 | 11 May 09 | Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth |
| 139. | 6-24 | 18 May 09 | Baseball with Better Steroids |
| |
| Season 7 |
| |
| 140. | 7-1 | 21 Sep 09 | 818-jklpuzo |
| 141. | 7-2 | 28 Sep 09 | Whipped Unto the Third Generation |
| 142. | 7-3 | 05 Oct 09 | Mmm, Fish. Yum. |
| 143. | 7-4 | 12 Oct 09 | Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator |
| 144. | 7-5 | 19 Oct 09 | For the Sake of the Child |
| 145. | 7-6 | 02 Nov 09 | Give Me Your Thumb |
| 146. | 7-7 | 09 Nov 09 | Untainted by Filth |
| 147. | 7-8 | 16 Nov 09 | Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle. |
| 148. | 7-9 | 23 Nov 09 | Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair |
| 149. | 7-10 | 07 Dec 09 | That's Why They Call It Ball Room |
| 150. | 7-11 | 14 Dec 09 | Warning, It's Dirty |
| 151. | 7-12 | 11 Jan 10 | Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste |
| 152. | 7-13 | 18 Jan 10 | Yay, No Polyps! |
| 153. | 7-14 | 01 Feb 10 | Crude and Uncalled For |
| 154. | 7-15 | 08 Feb 10 | Aye, Aye, Captain |
| 155. | 7-16 | 01 Mar 10 | Tinkle Like a Princess |
| 156. | 7-17 | 08 Mar 10 | I Found Your Moustache |
| 157. | 7-18 | 22 Mar 10 | Ixnay on the Oggie Day |
| 158. | 7-19 | 12 Apr 10 | Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave |
| 159. | 7-20 | 10 May 10 | I Called Him Magoo |
| 160. | 7-21 | 17 May 10 | Gumby with a Pokey |
| 161. | 7-22 | 24 May 10 | This Is Not Gonna End Well |
| |
| Season 8 |
| |
| 162. | 8-1 | 20 Sep 10 | Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud |
| 163. | 8-2 | 27 Sep 10 | A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer |
| 164. | 8-3 | 04 Oct 10 | A Pudding-Filled Cactus |
| 165. | 8-4 | 11 Oct 10 | Hookers, Hookers, Hookers |
| 166. | 8-5 | 18 Oct 10 | The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel |
| 167. | 8-6 | 25 Oct 10 | Twanging Your Magic Clanger |
| 168. | 8-7 | 01 Nov 10 | The Crazy Bitch Gazette |
| 169. | 8-8 | 08 Nov 10 | Springtime on a Stick |
| 170. | 8-9 | 15 Nov 10 | A Good Time in Central Africa |
| 171. | 8-10 | 22 Nov 10 | Ow, Ow, Don't Stop |
| 172. | 8-11 | 06 Dec 10 | Dead from the Waist Down |
| 173. | 8-12 | 13 Dec 10 | Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead |
| 174. | 8-13 | 03 Jan 11 | Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup |
| 175. | 8-14 | 17 Jan 11 | Lookin' for Japanese Subs |
| 176. | 8-15 | 07 Feb 11 | Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak |
| 177. | 8-16 | 14 Feb 11 | That Darn Priest |
| |
| Season 9 |
| |
| 178. | 9-1 | 19 Sep 11 | Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt |
| 179. | 9-2 | 26 Sep 11 | People Who Love Peepholes |
| 180. | 9-3 | 03 Oct 11 | Big Girls Don't Throw Food |
| 181. | 9-4 | 10 Oct 11 | Nine Magic Fingers |
| 182. | 9-5 | 17 Oct 11 | A Giant Cat Holding a Churro |
| 183. | 9-6 | 24 Oct 11 | The Squat and the Hover |
| 184. | 9-7 | 31 Oct 11 | Those Fancy Japanese Toilets |
| 185. | 9-8 | 07 Nov 11 | Thank You for the Intercourse |
| 186. | 9-9 | 14 Nov 11 | Frodo's Headshots |
| 187. | 9-10 | 21 Nov 11 | A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes |
| 188. | 9-11 | 05 Dec 11 | What a Lovely Landing Strip |
| 189. | 9-12 | 12 Dec 11 | One False Move, Zimbabwe! |
| 190. | 9-13 | 02 Jan 12 | Slowly and in a Circular Fashion |
| 191. | 9-14 | 16 Jan 12 | A Possum on Chemo |
| 192. | 9-15 | 06 Feb 12 | The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack |
| 193. | 9-16 | 13 Feb 12 | Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy |
| 194. | 9-17 | 20 Feb 12 | Not in My Mouth! |
| 195. | 9-18 | 27 Feb 12 | The War Against Gingivitis |
| 196. | 9-19 | 19 Mar 12 | Palmdale, Ech |
| 197. | 9-20 | 09 Apr 12 | Grandma's Pie |
| 198. | 9-21 | 16 Apr 12 | Mr. Hose Says 'Yes' |
| 199. | 9-22 | 30 Apr 12 | Why We Gave Up Women |
| 200. | 9-23 | 07 May 12 | The Straw in My Donut Hole |
| 201. | 9-24 | 14 May 12 | Oh Look! Al-Qaeda! |
| |
| Season 10 |
| |
| 202. | 10-1 | 27 Sep 12 | I Changed My Mind About the Milk |
| 203. | 10-2 | 04 Oct 12 | A Big Bag of Dog |
| 204. | 10-3 | 11 Oct 12 | Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt |
| 205. | 10-4 | 18 Oct 12 | You Do Know What the Lollipop's For |
| 206. | 10-5 | 25 Oct 12 | That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam |
| 207. | 10-6 | 01 Nov 12 | Ferrets, Attack! |
| 208. | 10-7 | 08 Nov 12 | Avoid the Chinese Mustard |
| 209. | 10-8 | 15 Nov 12 | Something My Gynecologist Said |
| 210. | 10-9 | 29 Nov 12 | I Scream When I Pee |
| 211. | 10-10 | 06 Dec 12 | One Nut Johnson |
| 212. | 10-11 | 13 Dec 12 | Give Santa a Tail-Hole |
| 213. | 10-12 | 03 Jan 13 | Welcome to Alancrest |
| 214. | 10-13 | 10 Jan 13 | Grab a Feather and Get in Line |
| 215. | 10-14 | 31 Jan 13 | Run, Steven Staven! Run! |
| 216. | 10-15 | 07 Feb 13 | Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It |
| 217. | 10-16 | 14 Feb 13 | Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby |
| 218. | 10-17 | 21 Feb 13 | Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries |
| 219. | 10-18 | 07 Mar 13 | The 9:04 from Pemberton |
| 220. | 10-19 | 14 Mar 13 | Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon |
| 221. | 10-20 | 04 Apr 13 | Bazinga! That's from a TV Show |
| 222. | 10-21 | 25 Apr 13 | Another Night with Neil Diamond |
| 223. | 10-22 | 02 May 13 | My Bodacious Vidalia |
| 224. | 10-23 | 09 May 13 | Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped |
| |
| Season 11 |
| |
| 225. | 11-1 | 26 Sep 13 | Nangnangnangnang |
| 226. | 11-2 | 03 Oct 13 | I Think I Banged Lucille Ball |
| 227. | 11-3 | 10 Oct 13 | This Unblessed Biscuit |
| 228. | 11-4 | 17 Oct 13 | Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank |
| 229. | 11-5 | 24 Oct 13 | Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003 |
| 230. | 11-6 | 07 Nov 13 | Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants |
| 231. | 11-7 | 14 Nov 13 | Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie |
| 232. | 11-8 | 21 Nov 13 | Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room. |
| 233. | 11-9 | 05 Dec 13 | Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer |
| 234. | 11-10 | 12 Dec 13 | On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer! |
| 235. | 11-11 | 02 Jan 14 | Tazed in the Lady Nuts |
| 236. | 11-12 | 09 Jan 14 | Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball. |
| 237. | 11-13 | 30 Jan 14 | Bite Me, Supreme Court |
| 238. | 11-14 | 06 Feb 14 | Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe |
| 239. | 11-15 | 27 Feb 14 | Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin |
| 240. | 11-16 | 06 Mar 14 | How to Get Rid of Alan Harper |
| 241. | 11-17 | 13 Mar 14 | Welcome Home, Jake |
| 242. | 11-18 | 03 Apr 14 | West Side Story |
| 243. | 11-19 | 10 Apr 14 | Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang |
| 244. | 11-20 | 24 Apr 14 | Lotta Delis in Little Armenia |
| 245. | 11-21 | 01 May 14 | Dial 1-900-Mix-a-Lot |
| 246. | 11-22 | 08 May 14 | Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead |
| |
| Season 12 |
| |
| 247. | 12-1 | 30 Oct 14 | The Ol' Mexican Spinach |
| 248. | 12-2 | 06 Nov 14 | A Chic Bar in Ibiza |
| 249. | 12-3 | 13 Nov 14 | Glamping in a Yurt |
| 250. | 12-4 | 20 Nov 14 | Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight |
| 251. | 12-5 | 27 Nov 14 | Oontz. Oontz. Oontz. |
| 252. | 12-6 | 04 Dec 14 | Alan Shot a Little Girl |
| 253. | 12-7 | 11 Dec 14 | Sex with an Animated Ed Asner |
| 254. | 12-8 | 18 Dec 14 | Family, Bublé, Deep-fried Turkey |
| 255. | 12-9 | 08 Jan 15 | Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey |
| 256. | 12-10 | 15 Jan 15 | Here I Come, Pants! |
| 257. | 12-11 | 22 Jan 15 | For Whom the Booty Calls |
| 258. | 12-12 | 29 Jan 15 | A Beer-Battered Rip-Off |
| 259. | 12-13 | 05 Feb 15 | Boompa Loved His Hookers |
| 260. | 12-14 | 12 Feb 15 | Don't Give a Monkey a Gun |
| 261. | 12-15 | 19 Feb 15 | Of Course He's Dead - Part One |
| 262. | 12-16 | 19 Feb 15 | Of Course He's Dead - Part Two |
| |
